In my contribution to the “year end/holiday” story cycle at The Goldwater I try to find the fine line between satire and sarcasm and walk it:
Don’t be afraid to take Nancy Reagan’s advice and “JUST SAY NO!” Whether it’s one more evening cocktail than you need, another slice of pie or a bump off biker crank off the office party prostitute’s tits. Often that first taste is all it takes (along with the Saturnalian spirit of Holiday Excess) to lead to the next, and the next and on into near-certain disaster.
Here’s where an extra helping of mindfulness and a second scoop of behavioral strategies comes in handy. Mindfulness sounds like some hippie nonsense, I know, but really just being aware of your choices and what you’re doing can help keep you on your toes. From mindfulness on it’s easier to keep track. Bad choices come from bad choices. Keeping track of what you’re doing makes it easier to take the choice to cut yourself off when you know you’ve reached your limits. Speaking of behavioral strategies, accountability is another “fluffy” word that has been overused perhaps by the granola eating set, but once again, having someone you can trust with your decision to not overeat, drink, etc.
Plan ahead! Choose a number (calories, alcoholic beverages, nitrous poppers) and STICK TO IT! Also make sure you have help. If you plan on indulging, designate a driver (or designate someone to slap the food out of your hand after you’ve crossed your pre-set calorie threshold for the day).
Read more at The Goldwater.